The way I see it, yes, I could race to get everything done in the shortest amount of time - and that IS my main goal. But life happens in between and some steps along the way will stall for a variety of reasons. So, I learned early on not to beat myself up about it. Que sera sera, etc etc.
If I were to get through everything in the quickest amount of time, yes, I would be given a referral sooner, and yes, that child would be my daughter and loved by me with no reservations. However, when it does come time for me to be referred is when it is time for me to be referred - not a moment before. Some people say you are matched (referred) with the right child - as in there is only one. I'm not sure how much I buy that. We have the capacity to love many, many people in our lives and the same goes for our children. I think once we are introduced to our children, the bond is made, and that's it.
I have heard cool stories of how the adopted child has many of the same personality characteristics as the adoptive parent. I hope I get so lucky (I've also heard of similarities in appearance - and across races too). When the referral is made, the people making the match don't just pull the first dossier off the top of the pile and match it with the first child at the top of the list. They do try to make a match based on the information in the homestudy, and the rest of the dossier. It sounds like they are very good at what they do.
In the beginning of this process I was all focused on time - how many days before this, how many weeks before that, why haven't I heard back on this, etc etc. While I'm sure I will obsess while my dossier is being processed (because I am a control freak), and especially when I am officially waiting for my referral, I feel kind of relaxed about it right now. As in 'it's all good.' If shite happens along the way (missing signatures, officials on holidays, courts closing, slow couriers...) I will try to roll with the punches as best as I can.
It's very easy for me to say these things now, of course ... I bet some of you may be smirking as you read this. Poor, naive girl!
selam
p.s. my Harry Potter is still AWOL
