Bah!

Every now and again I reread my original timeline. You know, for sh*ts and giggles. The only part I update on that post is the Child Proposal section showing the current 8 - 14 mth wait time.

I wouldn't exactly say it depresses me to see that I originally thought I would be home with M by now. I just issue a wry smile and I think, 'Fcku, Man, I haven't even received my referral yet.'

It does get hard when people ask, 'Shouldn't you have your referral by now?' I'm getting to the stage where sometimes I get a little emotional about those questions. But, I try to explain (by rote) that timelines are changing for everyone, not just me. And yes, there are still millions of orphaned children in Ethiopia, but only a tiny fraction of them are able to make it into care. So many of them are too sick/don't survive infancy, or they haven't been brought in by remaining birth family/friends because they live in such remote areas with no way of travelling, or there is no room in the orphanages for them. In the end, I think it's less than 1% of the orphaned children who are adopted. (more on this to come)

With the prospect looming of no referral for at least another 3 months and travel almost guaranteed to be in 2009 (WTF ?!?!?!), I'm struggling to keep the dream alive. I know at the end of this I will be a mother to a lovely baby girl, but with no paperwork to push through, all I can do is twiddle my fingers as I wait.

So, I shop. It makes the whole dream at little less surreal.

I've not purchased a ton of stuff, but I'm certainly more focused on pricing baby gear and I find myself veering off into the baby sections of every store on a more regular basis.

Superstore had a great baby sale on the other week. Inspired by Dianne, I picked up some cute socks (the 'boy' socks will be orphanage/foster home donations). Hey, they're not from The Gap, but they have the rubber nubbins (I'm sure that's the correct terminology) on the soles, and the colors are cute as hell. I fell in love with the green dress (size 2T). I would wear it myself if it came in my size (I've had the giant green flower for a couple of years - I just love it and I think it will be great in the nursery)

I think I'm going to send an email to CAFAC next week - asking if they can let me know where my file sits on the proverbial pile. I don't expect a real answer, but maybe I'll get some reassurance that things are still progressing along, even though I can't see any movement from here.

I'm having a quiet day puttering around the house today - tonight I think I'll finally assemble the glider. I'll post pics tomorrow, if I do.