It's interesting. Ethiopian children are very much loved and valued. In the case where the birth parents are unable to care for their child, the extended family (grand parents, aunts, etc) will step in to raise them if they can. Adoption is not considered the best case scenario - it's only because poverty or physical restrictions force it. The best case scenario is for children to remain with their biological family or at least in their own country. Unfortunately, often due to the extremes of poverty, this just isn't possible.
Orphanages are being forced to turn children away due to lack of room and resources. My M will be cared for in an orphanage in the Ethiopian capital of Addis Ababa. Like this child.
Photograph by David Blumenfeld. Please click on the picture to see more.
But she's not a charity case, she's my daughter.
I have to come to grips with this paradox.
I don't agree that M will be 'lucky' that I brought her to live in Canada. There is no good luck involved when your mother is dead, you are unable to live with your biological family, and you are uprooted from your home land. BUT, I have to acknowledge that I will be a good alternative to the worst case scenario. And I may be saving her life. This is a VERY disconcerting way to become a mother when I think of it that way.
I have to make it really, really clear that when I bring my daughter home she ceases to be considered a statistic. I do not want her going through life being pitied by strangers or anyone else for that matter. Her heritage will always be celebrated, but I don't want people seeing her as some sad orphan, plucked from the poor streets of Ethiopia and into a good home. I'm pretty sure my family and friends won't see her in this way and obviously other adoptive parents won't either. While I will never deny she was adopted from Ethiopia, adoption is a one time event - she will come into my family through adoption. Full stop. She will not be labelled as an 'adopted child.' The details of her birth story will remain private except to her immediate family and those who need to know. How much of her story she decides to share when she's old enough to make that decision - well, that's up to her. I will explain what I know of her birth story to her gradually, in age-appropriate ways. I won't share with the general public anything that she doesn't yet know. She has the right to know her own story before anyone else. I will always be an advocate for adoption, but I don't want my child defined by it or made to feel 'special' because of it. I feel sad for the children adopted by celebrities because, whether by choice or not, so much of their adoption story is fed to the media for everyone to read about and judge. In my opinion, it's just nobody else's business.
But the truth is, she will have been a sad orphan.
There are millions of children orphaned around the world who suffer from malnutrition, illness, or worse. Obviously, my focus these days is on African poverty and the AIDS pandemic. I found FXB and these other sites recently.
Photograph by David Blumenfeld. Please click on the picture to see more.
My heart is heavy today and I feel numb. I can't bear the thought of my daughter suffering in this way. Or any child suffering in this way.
That there are children living like this around the world is so very very wrong. Why is this happening all over the world today? Why??
World AIDS Orphans Day - May 7
Excerpt from web site:
The AIDS pandemic has a devastating effect on the millions of children who are orphaned and/or infected with the virus. In countries most affected, 15% to 20% of children have lost one or both parents to AIDS. The almost systematic loss of both parents is an unprecedented event in human history.
- They are excluded, discriminated against and left to fend for themselves
- They are psychologically distressed
- They do not have access to education
- They do not have access to basic health care, let alone antiretroviral therapy
Deprived from protection, education, support and love, they face great risks of malnutrition, illness and HIV infection. They are easy prey to all forms of exploitation (prostitution, terrorism, trafficking, child-soldiers, etc…).
In 2010, there will be at least 100 million orphans and children affected by AIDS ! At the last count there were 15 millions AIDS orphans.
