Anyone adopting from ET has probably learned by now that there is a new court procedure in place. Previously, you basically had to get approval from the ET MOWA (Ministry of Women's Affairs) and pass the federal court in Addis (meaning someone from the birth family, or a family representative, had to come to court and give the final ok for the child to be adopted and then have the judge give the OK to finalize the adoption. Now, you have to first gain approval from the court local to the region of the country your child came from as well as receive an initial consent from the birth family.
It's because there is so much fresh focus on ET adoptions and so many new agencies becoming licensed there (although they have put a moratorium on new licenses), they want to ensure that the kids are protected and that all adoptions are legal and without question the best thing for the children. So it means instead of the usual 1-2 court dates before you pass, now there will be more like 2-4, so there may be more delay after receipt of the referral and before the travel date. I am totally in support of these new procedures, even though the longer wait BITES!!
Nobody enjoys the waiting and the uncertainty. I keep myself going by remembering that this attention to the best needs of the children and the highly ethical procedures is why I chose Ethiopia in the first place. I had been concerned with the higher attention on ET adoptions that standards would be compromised--I am happy to be ensured that when I am finally holding Myfanwy in my arms, I will have no fear that she truly belongs with me. And fortunately, the new process does not affect when I will receive my referral and see Mywany's beautiful face for the first time.
This adoption journey, man, it's harder than I imagined it would be. The wait is longer, the emotional toll is greater. The ups are great (right now most of my ups come from hearing great news from my fellow PAPs and witnessing the love of the newly-created families), but the lows can be stinking awful. This latest bit of news about the courts, while understandable, still gets me down. But I can't dwell on it or the repurcussions it may bring to when I bring Myfanwy home. It might not even delay our union that much, so right now I am choosing not to worry about something that might not even happen. (You can ask me how I feel about it in a few months.)
When a woman is pregnant, she'll usually refer to it as the most beautiful time of her life. She gets to watch and feel her baby growing in utero, she hears the baby's heartbeat, she knows when the baby will arrive, she knows what size clothes to buy, she gets to talk to her baby all the time. With an adoption, none of that is true, and instead, so much of the waiting is tough, tough, tough.
I would love to have experienced pregnancy, but I am fortunate enough that I can still be a mother. So I don't want to look back on my wait as a depressing, stressful, anxious time. I want Myfanwy to come home to a house infused with happy, calm, and inviting vibes--no negative juju loitering about. I want to experience my paper pregnancy with the same happiness of any expectant mother--with great joy and anticipation. Some days it's easier than others, but I must remember that all this waiting, all that horrid paperwork, all the delays, all the expense--none of it is going to matter one iota when I am finally holding Myfanwy in my arms and from that moment on.
Years from now, when I look back to this period of time, I don't want to have only memories of negative feelings and sadness. I want to remember the happy preparations I made around the house and the love that was growing for Mywanfy before I even knew who she was--just as any other expectant mother feels. In that respect, we can be the same. There are some experiences of motherhood that I will miss out on, but the joy of creating my family--I won't let the grind of the adoption process take that away from me.
