Melissa asked a really good question in her comment to my last post. Whose face do I see when I think of Myfanwy?
I actually don't see a face, just a little black baby girl. I haven't tried to 'see' or visualize her but I do sort of imagine her in the house. Especially when I walk into the room that will become hers. I imagine the crib and checking up on her while she's napping in it.
But earlier on in this journey there was a little girl who inspired me greatly and kept me in tears for days on end as I came to grips with what it all meant for me and my child to be.
I won't place her picture here because she is someone's little girl and I don't have permission to do so. But you can see her picture from the CAFAC site:
http://www.cafac.ca/ Photo Gallery > Ethiopia > 3rd row > first picture. Click on the pictures to see full size. She is also the little cherub in the last picture of row 2.
I fell in love with this little sweetie pie while I was deciding on which country to choose and which international agency to use. She played a huge part in my decision to go with CAFAC. I was so drawn to her there was no way I could turn away from their program. I had her photo as my computer desktop picture for a while. Eventually I had to delete the pictures & stop visiting that photo gallery because I became a little obsessed and didn't think that was healthy as my little girl will not be her.
Since then, I've been told that it's OK to use pictures like that to visualize my child. In fact, my social worker told me it is normal and healthy. Apparently it helps to make the process more real, seeing as I don't have a growing belly to touch and feel (well I do but not because I'm pregnant, yuk yuk yuk) and serves as a reminder that yes, there will be a child in my arms at the end of it all. And that same child will one day be sitting in her high chair in our kitchen, covered in food, smiling for the camera as I take yet another picture for this blog.
And really, how could you not fall in love with her? Isn't she just the cutest little button?
Has anyone else fallen in love with a child's picture from an adoption site or is it just me?
selam
