Every now and again I see someone who reminds me of my Dad. He passed away on April 9, 2003. Today's reminder came courtesy of the man filling up with gas behind me at Safeway. It's always in the eyes. This fellow was Asian. The first time it happened was when I was on vacation in Mexico, and my friend and I were chatting with an old Mexican gentleman sitting on a bench outside the hotel. I went back to the hotel room and couldn't stop crying. Every time I see these people I feel my Dad is looking down at me. I finally figured out that maybe I get so upset because I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to him. And I can't remember when I last told him I loved him. I hope it was during our last phone call but I'm not sure.
I've had this song in my head the last few days and tonight I remembered to download it to my iPod. As it was playing back, I really listened to the words for the first time and they struck a chord with me. I thought of waiting to publish this post on April 9th but it feels right to do so tonight instead.
I miss my Dad. He wasn't perfect but he was my Dad, he loved me, and I will always love him. I wish he was still here. I think he would be proud of me and excited about my baby girl coming home. He loved his grand kids. With age comes wisdom - I've learnt there is nothing that can't be forgiven and that our parents are precious, no matter how big a pain in the butt they are. I hope Dad forgave me for not forgiving him sooner.
"Hurt" Christina Aguilera
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there
Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back
Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh
If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
