A lot of the adoption research and paperwork I'm completing talks about the critical attachment process and how it applies specifically to the adoption process.
"The impact of a lack of secure attachment may manifest itself in a variety of ways, some more subtle than others. For example, some individuals may develop skills to succeed in the workplace, but may be incapable of deep, meaningful commitment in intimate relationships."
~ Martha Farrell Erickson, Ph.D. Lyn Glenn
How successfully my daughter attaches to me will depend on many factors, most coming from her time in the orphanage and foster home and then the first few weeks she is home with me.
As endearing as it may appear, to have an adopted child happily running up to everyone for a hug (by everyone I mean people the child has just met or random strangers on the street) is NOT a good thing. It signals this child doesn't understand the family dynamic and is so used to multiple caregivers she just assumes everyone is there for her and she can trust everyone. This is not to be confused with the usual Newborn Indiscriminate Sociability where babies are willingly passed from person to person with no signs of distress.
"Psychological attachment influences not only our relationships with primary caregivers and later significant relationships and other social interactions, but also our internal senses of identity and the organization of our brains and neurological system (including how we respond emotionally to life experiences). Attachment helps develop a sense of safety, encourages socialization, stimulates intellectual and psychological growth, and influences identity. "
~ Marjorie Grace
Attachment vs. Bonding
"By definition, attachment is a deepening affectionate, psychological connection between two people that endures over time. Attachment is different from bonding, which begins in utero and has a physiological base. There is only one bond and that is with the birth mother. The bond prepares and sets the stage at the physiological level for later attachment. Attachment, on the other hand, is a reciprocal, bi-directional tie between two or more people which usually starts with one attachment figure and gradually broadens to others. Tiffany Field describes attachment as 'a relationship that develops between two or more organisms as their behavioral and physiological systems become attuned to each other.' For humans, attachment generally takes place in the first 8 to 36 months. Because it is interactively-based, the primary attachment can be transferred to another caregiver if the transfer is done with attention and planning."~ Marjorie Grace
There are different definitions of the bonding term. Some say it is not just an in utero relationship but actually refers to the parent's (mother and father) tie to the child. It can occur in utero, the instant the parent see's their child's face, or it can develop soon after. When bonded, the parent is committed to caring for the child, feeling an instinctive desire to protect them.
I tend to believe the latter version, especially in the case of an adoption. While I'm not physically carrying my child and showing the signs of pregnancy, I am preparing for her and growing to love her just as intensively as if I were (and for MUCH LONGER I might add!).
Factors Effecting Attachment
- Child's and parent's preparation for adoption
- Individual temperment
- Child's stage of development at placement
- Child's pre-adoption circumstances
- Lengthy of time in an orphanage
- Number of disruptions
- Parental strategies
- Abuse/neglect
- Difficult prenancy/birth
- Maternal depression/trauma
- Chronic medical condition of child (unrelieved pain)
- Inconsistent/multiple care givers
If Myfanwy never knows her birth mother or father she may have no idea of what a 'Parent' is. She will understand there are caregivers out there from the nurses who looked after her. But she may not understand that a parent is the one person totally bound to her for all eternity. The one person who will always be there for her. Not just someone who feeds and bathes her, but the person who gives her absolute security. The person she can always trust and run to.
Me.
If Myfanwy knows her mother for a short time, she may have memories of her that will surface later on. She may also reject me early on or in later years because her first mom 'abandoned' her. She may not trust me to never leave her.
Of course, attachment disorder is not unique to adopted children.
Signs of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)
Attachment disorder may not be evident until the child is much older.
A good friend and therapist has given me a series of books she co-authored for the Calgary Health Region, "Lifelong Mental Health Management." They make specific references to adoption situations and are a source of information that I can draw on now and as Myfanwy grows up into an adult.
