Dear Carol,
Wow. It's been a year since you left us and I'm still adjusting to the fact that you're no longer here. There have been so many times when I have wanted to pick up the phone and call you. Just to say "hi," or to vent about the adoption, or life in general; you were always a good listener. Or just to be there for you. I now know how much you needed me, and I don't think I was there for you as much as I should have been. I'm so very sorry for that. I will always regret it.
And here comes another big family dinner and again we'll miss you and the sound of your laughter. You know, I still hear it all the time. I remember last Christmas, people saying we could almost hear you amongst all the noise and chaos. Like you were just in the other room, laughing at something somebody said. Probably one of those old childhood stories we always rehash at every family event. You left such a huge void in our family. One that can never be filled because there will never be anyone like you again. You were one of a kind.
I still have the Thank You card you sent to me after your 50th birthday - no one else would have done that. You were the one we all counted on to remember every birthday and anniversary. The keeper of every phone number. We are all trying our best to live up to your high standards in your absence.
I know you will always be there for me; you will always be my big sister. I know you would be so supportive of me and my newest adventure. I so wish that Myfanwy could meet her Aunty Carol. I will tell her all about you. Especially how you were the woman who inspired me to follow my dream of being a mother. I can't thank you enough for that gift.
I miss you, Carol. I pray that wherever you are you are safe, painfree, and happy.
Give Dad a big hug from me.
Love always,
Hazel
